Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior . . . and so train the young women . . . Titus 2:3-5 ESV

We are committed to the Word as our authority, and we are passionate about nurturing a culture in which Titus 2 discipleship (older women teaching younger women) can thrive. We provide opportunities, resources, and support for women of all ages to connect with one another and the Lord Jesus Christ.

The topic of forgiveness is one fraught with tension.

I have heard arguments that would like us to believe that we have the right to decide who and what to forgive, how often and when we are to forgive, and what forgiveness looks like. God has been slowly teaching me (well, He has been faithfully teaching and I have been slowly learning) how to forgive others as He forgives me.

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9

What is a good definition of forgiveness? Based on the character of God displayed throughout Scripture, Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth and Tim Grissom define it like this:  “Forgiveness means that I fully release the offender from his debt…it is a promise never to bring up the offense against him again-to God, to others, or to the offender himself.” 

(In this broken world, many of us have been sinned against grievously. Forgiving our offender does not mean that we won’t continue to experience grief and pain in this life, nor does it mean that the offender will not face any consequences. I am sorry for any pain that someone else’s sin has caused you.)

Here are five things that God continues to teach me about what forgiveness is not-and what it is. Every one of them becomes imprinted more deeply on my heart each time that I fail. God faithfully forgives me, repeatedly, because that is who He is. 

Forgiveness is not optional. Forgiveness is a command. 

Two of our Scripture verses for this month specifically say that we must forgive others as Christ has forgiven us. So, how has He forgiven us? He forgives us freely, readily, and repeatedly (Ephesians 1:7, 1 John 1:9, Luke 17:3-4). I recall the moment when I personally understood that forgiveness was an issue of obedience. On a Sunday morning, in the middle of a worship song, the Holy Spirit convicted my heart with the truth that I could not worship Jesus as Lord while simultaneously holding on to the hurt that someone else caused me. It is a precious memory to me, because in His grace, He enabled me to release that individual from having to make up for the pain they caused.

Forgiveness is not only for those who deserve it or ask for it. 

Jesus forgave us even when we were lost and separated from Him, having only rebellion and hatred toward Him. We were not looking for forgiveness, nor did we deserve it. But He forgave us anyway.

Since the moment He created us, He has not stopped loving us.  It is out of that love that He forgives us. And this is the same love that enables us to forgive others, even those whom we, in our human understanding, deem as “undeserving”. 

Forgiveness is not a one-time decision. It happens again and again. 

Have you ever genuinely wrestled with a sin issue in your life? Returning to God again, wondering if His mercy has run out and He has no more forgiveness for you? My friend, His mercy does not run out. (Lamentations 3:19-26) He is ready to forgive us, time and time again. 

And once He forgives us, He does not withdraw His love from us until we have “earned it” or we are  “sorry enough” or have “made up for our wrongdoing”.  He removes any record of our wrongs from the record, giving us a chance to move forward with Him without fear of Him holding our past against us. 

Perhaps this is a reason for the disciples to exclaim, “Increase our faith!” when Jesus told them that even if a person were to come to them and repent seven times in one day, they must still forgive him. Every time.  (Luke 17:3-5) This is not something that comes naturally to us, but something that comes from the faithful Holy Spirit working in us and through us. 

Forgiveness is not a feeling. Forgiveness is a choice.  

Forgiving another person does not require us to “feel” like we are okay with what has occurred. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that we aren’t hurt or that the actions toward us were right or justified. We are simply saying that we ourselves are not going to “make that person pay” by the way we feel about them, the way we act toward them, or the way we talk about them, because Jesus has already paid for the sin of each and every person. Not only the sin that we commit against Him and the sin that we commit against others, but also the sin that others commit against us. 

Forgiveness is not forgetting. Forgiveness is choosing not to remember. 

Isaiah 43:25 tells us that God “will not remember your sins,” and Hebrews 8:12 echoes the same idea. Does God “forget” that we have sinned? No, our sin is not something that has slipped His mind or that He cannot recall. The Hebrew meaning of these words tells us He chooses not to replay our wrongdoing in His mind over and over again. He chooses not to dwell on it. 

I don’t know if Peter and Jesus ever discussed the night that Peter betrayed Him, but the first words recorded between them after that night and after Jesus had risen from the dead were words of love, life, and purpose. Jesus didn’t bring up Peter’s failure and dwell on his sin. He gave Peter the chance to affirm his love for Jesus and spoke words that would impact Peter’s life and ministry going forward. (John 21)

Forgiving others is a direct reflection of our heart’s gratitude for the undeserved forgiveness that we ourselves have received.  Let’s pray together this month that God will make us humbly aware of our own deep need and that it will be reflected in us. 

Oh, Lord, please show us clearly our own desperate need for Your forgiveness. We depend on you to enable us, by Your Spirit, to wholeheartedly forgive, from the slightest offense to the most grievous of situations. Lord, You are just and sovereign. Even the sinful brokenness of this world and the people in it will not derail Your perfect plans for us, plans that will grow us to reflect You and Your glory. Amen.

Colossians 3:12-13 “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive.

Ephesians 4:32 “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another; as God in Christ forgave you.

Nehemiah 9:17b “But you are a God ready to forgive, gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, and did not forsake them {His chosen people}.

Matthew 18:21-22 “Then Peter came up and said to Him, ‘Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ‘I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.”